What About Next Year...?

I have mentioned before how I feel led to teach. I still feel that way, but I do not feel led into going into (more) debt to reach the point of being able to teach in a school.

There are two programs that I have been looking into that could help me either fund my schooling or get around the paying for my education. One is a fellowship, which is pretty much like a scholarship, but this one provides extra above what tuition costs to help with bills because they do not care for participants to work while going to school. The other is the Teach for America program.

Both these programs I would be placed in a low-income school and expected to teach either for 3 years or 2 years, depending on the program. One program I can choose my licensure area, the other program they place me in my subject area as well as region.

I've been praying about it and feel led more towards the Teach for America program but that is a scary step. Of course there are rigorous application processes for both programs and I am leaning towards applying to both, but what if I get accepted to one? I know...I think five steps out. I think that is one reason why I haven't seriously applied for any engineering positions that would utilize the degree I earned.

I know God will give me the strength to get through everything He puts in my path, but will I have the strength to rely on Him? I don't know. I already am questioning that with just the "minor" things going on in my life right now.

There was a saying once, I don't know if it's true or not, it actually seems backwards to me, but that people tend to flock to God when they are experiencing hard times. I am the opposite of that. I can easily stay by His side when there are good times, but when I go through trials in my life, I often feel that He is not listening or helping me through those and so I go and try to take control of them. I know it's not right, but that's how I am. No matter how much I tell myself that I am going to leave it in His hands and what happens does and He will help me through it.

I just picked up a book at the Library today... Overcoming Negative Emotions: Gods's path to becoming a positive woman. I am half interested in it because we sell it at work and so then I can give my recommendation on the book, but also because I wonder if it can't help me. Someway. Somehow. Maybe?

Blessings in Christ,