A Desire for a Family

One thing that I have been struggling with lately is giving up my future to God. I so badly want to have a family and it is extremely difficult for me to watch youth younger than me get married and start their families. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have children. How I have children has always been up in the air :) but nonetheless, I wanted them. I know God is in charge of my life, He is the author and I am just a character in His book. Just like any character in a book, I do not know how the end will turn out only the author does. Since God holds each of our books so close to Him, not even an outsider (or reader) can cheat and read beyond the current page. We all know the last part is that we die, but we cannot read the middle to figure out what the middle of our story holds for ourselves or one another. When I share my age with the other youth at church, I get the impression that I shouldn't be sitting with them or attending the youth sunday school class. That I belong with the women. I understand that I am a bit older than most youth here, but I am not ready to give up on my dream that I will have a husband and children one day.

I know in my head that if God intends for me to meet someone that He will make sure to have our paths cross but yet, to my heart, that is not comforting. I know it should be, but yet it's not. I have been praying so much lately on this, asking God to give me a peaceful-ness and allow me to relinquish control over my future to Him but yet I seem to find a way to focus on this not soon after I have finished praying, wondering if I have missed my chance already.

Blessings in Christ,